Most Hilarious Movie Insults

FMJ

Actors have uttered some of the most scathing insults ever heard and usually manage to look good whilst doing so. Domineering bosses, love rats and scorned women have all let rip on unsuspecting targets in thousands of different movies.

The bad guy can often be the most memorable character onscreen, and the following movie insults will certainly stick in our minds for many years to come.

1. Full Metal Jacket

“Did your parents have any children that lived?” R. Lee Ermey’s monologue in “Full Metal Jacket” is loaded with great put-downs.

This one is quick and to the point. The vast majority of Ermey’s dialogue is loaded with so many expletives and curse words that it would make a sailor blush.

“Full Metal Jacket” marked Stanley Kubrick’s triumphant return to filmmaking after a seven-year break.

As with most of Kubrick’s films, the movie received critical acclaim and even earned the director an Academy Award nomination. R. Lee Ermey originally joined the film as an advisor due to the fact that he had extensive experience working as a drill sergeant during the Vietnam War.

Ermey asked Kubrick if he could audition for the role as Sergeant Hartman. After Kubrick claimed that he was too soft for the role, Ermey presented Kubrick with a video of himself firing off 15 minutes of continuous insults at Royal Marine Troops whilst onlookers pelted him with fruit and tennis balls.

Ermey kept up a barrage of eye-watering abuse without pausing for a second or repeating himself. Kubrick immediately gave the part to Ermey and even allowed him to improvise most of his dialogue.

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  • Al Johnson

    My favorite is from “As Good As It Gets”.
    Paraphrasing-don’t remember exact: “How do you write women so well?”
    Jack Nicholson: “Easy, I start with a man and take away all logic and reason.”
    Manages to not only insult the woman who asked the question, but all women.

  • Jace

    Hahahahaha I used the Planes, Trains, and Automobile bathroom joke at work the other day. The reaction of the person I said it to was priceless. Needed help lifting something in the warehouse and they thought they’d be funny. I gave em a dead stare and said, “If I Wanted a Joke I’d Follow You into the john and Watch You Take a Leak!…NOW ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAND THERE LIKE A SLAB OF MEAT WITH MITTENS!?” He was dumbfounded and we both cracked up. Thank God we both knew what movie it was from lol

  • omega

    This is funny stuff ..I have to remember to use the Bogie one at work next time somebody thinks I don’t like him/her. ‘You think I’m not being objective because I don’t like you? Please…Indifference is the greatest insult to someone’s egomania!’

  • Mike Grunwald

    This is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. When you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on *you* though.

    • Geoff Forgie

      Rodney Dangerfield, Easy Money!!

      • ThatWriterDude

        Nope. Caddyshack. Gameesou had it right.

    • gameesou

      Rodney Dangerfield in Caddy Shack, at the pro shop

  • AJ75

    There are much better ones in Full Metal Jacket, you’re just afraid to publish them.

    “…look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”–True Romance

    “If I had a dog that looked like that I’d shave it’s ass and teach it to walk backward.”–The Sandlot (and others)

    “You look like the poster child for birth control.”–Back To School

    “Don’t sell yourself short, Judge… you’re a tremendous slouch.” –Caddy Shack

    “Now I know why tigers eat their young.”–Caddy Shack

    “I wouldn’t live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree”–Parenthood

  • Mike McTighe

    The point of that scene is to be surreal, as is the case with most of Kubrick’s films.

  • Rexxrally

    If you’re going to write an article about movie lines, at least get them right. Rick never says “Play it again, Sam” in Casablanca. That line has been misquoted for years.

  • TXGunner1

    Wrong, that was Rodney, but it was Caddyshack

    ThatWriterDude • a month ago

    This is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. When you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on *you* though.

    Geoff Forgie – ThatWriterDude • 8 hours ago

    Rodney Dangerfield, Easy Money!!

    • Geoff Forgie

      I stand corrected.

  • Doc

    “…his characters deep twang” *character’s* – you need to know when to use apostrophes!